I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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