Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
