I'm jealous of your bromance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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