I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
