we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
