He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
