Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
