My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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