We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize