i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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