We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize