I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
