I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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