remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
