got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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