wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
