Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
