i don't like sucking hair
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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