Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
