My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
