I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize