I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize