Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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