I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
