i just wanna soil my oats bro
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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