I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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