You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
