I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
