he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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