in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
someone owes me an orgasm
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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