You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
