Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
