he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
