Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
