this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
