my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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