It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
