I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
