so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
