i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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