I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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