its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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