god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
