Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
