i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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