at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
