you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
