Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
