Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
