It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
