this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
