dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
