Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
