He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
