On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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