I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
