Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
