I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dicks are not precious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
