Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
