i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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