You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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