I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
