I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
