that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
