You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
