You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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