I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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