TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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