omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
