Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Someone came in the potted fern
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
