I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
