mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize